"People are afraid to pursue their most important dreams, because they feel that they don’t deserve them, or that they’ll be unable to achieve them." – page 130 the alchemist
i had an awesome day today— still silent— day 13 not a peep outta me + i still managered to get around town, do all my errands, get physical therapy on my ankle, visit some friends, see my dermatologist, get my hair done, + eat at my favorite restaurant!! all while totally mute + smiling!
it’s funny, it seems ive been walking around “on voice rest” with my little dry erase board all year… i thought i had become the master of silence… i spent almost every night on tour rushing to the bus after the show to put my pajamas on so i wouldnt be tempted to go out + socalize like everyone else… and i would go mute until soundcheck the next day— not very fun… but now, this time, this silence, is so different! all the other times i knew were just a band-aid that wasn’t fixing the problem… and i would get very sad. NOW i know the problem has been fixed! and all i gotta do is keep my mouth shut for 20 days + then im healed! like forreal!! i still can’t believe it.. and i really can’t wait to hear how i sound + how it feels to sing… ohhh im so excited.. i gotta stop… couple more days to go…
i was thinking about it today + talking about it with my friend, that doesn’t 2011 seem like it’s been really challenging? not good or bad… just challenging.. like 2010 everything flowed a little smoother + was a little more giving … ive noticed this year has been a lot of work. physically + emotionally + mentally… which hey, i’ll take a challenge any day, i seem to love them… and sometimes create one when there isn’t one… but im nuts! so 3 surgeries later… here i am. trying to get my feet on the ground again!… but doesn’t that mean that the thing i didn’t let go of, the dream im still dreaming to achieve will be that much greater because i didn’t give up? i think so :)
i just finished reading “the alchemist” and it’s all starting to make sense to me… the idea of “personal legend” and the universe challenging the crap out of you before you achieve it… i mean i remember waitressing + crying myself to sleep because i was so exhausted. i made $2,000 a month at my job… and my bills were $1,980… so i had 20 bucks to “play” with every month. i had this awful limp + it hurt to stand on my feet all day! i missed my family back home + couldn’t visit them. i was too tired to sing my songs at night after work when all i moved out to LA to do was play music!! eee! it was like a bad broken record… but i kept going… i. didn’t. give. up. and BOOM! but that was only the beginning! the past year + a half i’ve spent following my ‘personal legend’ and breaking down every barrier i ever put up against fear + worry + excitement + stress + l o v e + myself! its been crazy! i keep falling down. but i keep getting back up.
so today was awesome because im watching the same stuff happening in my friends lives + i smile because i know that their search for their golden treasure in life, has just begun :)