wow! hi everyone… the word of the year for me is: TOURING! i am so unbelievably honored to come to your home towns with my beloved band and play my show for you. i hope one day to have gone absolutely everywhere… so im trying… one city at a time. from the biggest to the littlest, you are all important to me. i lay in bed each night and think about how special i feel that you would come and spend your time with me. you buy tickets, and get babysitters, and buy merch and shine so bright for me every night. my band and i are endlessly grateful for your support. every show, every word you sing, and every ounce of love you share. we love you back.
the second of my five tours this year is about to come to an end… and i can’t believe the memories i already get to hold in my heart … i have 63 more shows to play and cities to see… each place so far as been such a treat to spend time in… from your most humble coffee shops, to your beautiful evergreen trees, to the smiles on your faces, nothing will be forgotten.
i remember a time in my life when i was terrified to play in front of people. i absolutely wouldn’t. i wouldn’t even tell my closest friends when i was performing at an open mic night. i would lay in my bed and dream of everything im doing now, but i couldn’t concur my fear. i couldn’t get myself to BE myself. i was suffocating under whatever i thought it was going to be like. i was so wrong. of course its scary— but damn, the best things are! some days my stomach sits in my throat all day and i can hardly move. some days i mess up the parts. some days i wake up with a huge pimple for everyone to see. some days i feel painfully lonely. some days i think everything i have is rubbish. some days i miss my family so much i can’t breathe. of course some days its hard. i don’t know any great accomplished person in my life who would say it isn’t hard and it isn’t scary… so that’s what keeps me going. i push right through that fear… i push it out of the way and say, “NO! THIS IS MY LIFE. IM GONNA LIVE IT. IM GONNA DREAM HUGE. IM GONNA WATCH THOSE DREAMS COME TRUE” i have realized in my two short years as a professional musician… that i am on the only person standing in my way.
im certainly not perfect and i certainly don’t remember this everyday… but the days i do? oh boy… this is what happens when i. let. go….
thank you to each of you for enlightening my life. and special thanks to my fans, chris broussard, charis kircheimer, and ryan pavlov for the beautiful photos.
humbled, grateful, and bright happy lights,
hi dear friends,
most of you know my story by now… the magical one about the lists to the universe, and every single thing i’ve ever dreamed of so far in my life coming true!! you know, that little story?! gaaaah! it still doesn’t seem real, most days. especially recently. i am sitting on the beach in hawaii with my dad basking in the reality of this moment… what? 2 years ago i was a waitress off for the holidays sitting in my parents home wondering where i went wrong and who i was supposed to be… i had no money, no man, and no plan… but something told me i was going to be ok… call it faith? call it stupidity? call it luck? call it dreaming?… whatever you want to call it, i b e l i e v e d i was going to be ok… whatever that meant or looked like.
on new years eve 2009 me + my best friend keltie made a list to the universe and i asked for 6 things:
1. quit smoking
2. book 3 shows
3. start a savings account with 25 bucks a week
4. meet jason mraz
5. sign a record deal
6. bask in keltie’s magic motivational sun beams.
they all came true.
all of a sudden i realized something was happening… something bigger than me. something epic. so i kept dreaming… and dreaming… and doing… and manifesting… and affirming… and dreaming… and believing… and trusting… and learning… and dreaming… and falling…. and trying… and working… and living… and loving and loving and loving…. and dreaming…. and dreaming… and dreaming… and it was the best year ever. including all the ups + downs + tears + laughs… all of it was perfect.
so new years eve 2010 came around and i made another list:
1. quit eating gluten.
2. meditate for 5-10 minutes once a day. (no matter what)
3. send my mother love every day. (phone, text, email, cards)
4. laser hair removal.
5. completely fix my ankle.
6. BE ON THE BREAKING DAWN SOUNDTRACK! (yes, this was in all caps)
7. begin a charity.
8. have a hit record.
9. buy an asset.
10. learn the drums.
11. send keltie motivational moon beams.
12. send love + light to every human being i meet.
all these things came true too.
i don’t know what this all means, friends, i don’t know if i’ve tapped into a magic universe loop hole and what i keep dreaming just comes true no matter what… or if just believing in myself makes them come true, or if im just working my ass off to make it happen, or if im just blessed. i think it’s all of the above.
so, if you believe in this stuff or not, its my truth + i am sharing it with you to hopefully inspire you to want more for yourself, your life and your dreams.
anything and everything is possible… i promise.
i just made my list for 2012 … did you?
love, light + endless gratitude,
i’ve learned so much this year, so fast, that my head has been left spinning. i found strength in all my nooks and grew strength where there wasn’t any living. i asked myself to grow publicly and not break easily. i didn’t break. i leaned on so many soft shoulders and i cried into so many cold mornings. i was loved, largely and i was left quietly. i created a child i call “lovestrong.” i saw the world. i lived in airplanes. i saw the faces of those i need, glow. i grew grey hair and i learned to let go. i fought with my ability. i watched the ones i love watch me lose my speech. i said yes to everything, but had to cancel many promises. i asked for it to be easy. nothing’s ever easy. i had a heart warming ride of melodies. i learned how to play my music in front of seas of sweet people wanting to be freed. i thought i would die. i survived. 2011 was indescribable. it was almost impossible. it fought against statistics and it tested limits. it broke what was already broken and it healed more then i asked for. 16 days left of a year that i’ll never forget. 2011 for me was a deal breaker and trend setter. it took everything from me and gave it back and then took it again and then gave it back, took it all one more time, swore it had won, but surrendered and brought it down to the ground where i laid waving a white flower. i have felt loss and light… sometimes at the same time. i broke my lessons open and looked inside. i loved and i laughed the whole time. i prayed and found a love affair with the devine. i wasted my love and my lips and all my romance on a man who didn’t want this. i found out who my true friends would be. i found true friends waiting to help me. i became known by the ever changing radio. they said yes even after they said no. i repaired my falling heart. i fixed my limp. i learned how to sing after removing the block on my vocal fold. i unblocked the shakras turning me to stone. i asked and i received every single thing i dreamed. i am so lucky. i am so lucky. i lived out my fantasies. i swam, and will keep swimming. this year made me l i v e. bring on next years possibilities… i’m ready to begin again.
thank you for loving me.
i love you back.
this was the best week of my entire life.
thank you to twilight, summit, my team and family, david hodges, and all my fellow twihards.
im having the best time ever :)
you guys are the best.
wow this stuff is so cool + keeps blowing my mind!!!
stuff… happening… i can’t… keep… up!!
love you guys!!!!
"edward and bella are not real" from: Ambziie
i never read “you-tube” comments… but i did… and this one(above) wins…
thank you, Ambziie, for reminding me that my favorite fictional characters that i wrote a very real love song for a very real movie about don’t actually exist. thank you… i forgot…
i guess you were all expecting this… because (duh) im super excited… cause i couldn’t not write a blog about this…but the problem is, im jumping the gun… i still haven’t gone on my promo in a private plane with the cast, and i still haven’t gone to the official hollywood premiere… so there is still honest blogging to be had… but i had to at least check in and let you know that im still as geeky, and twi-hardy crazy about this whole thing so far… i keep getting overwhelmed, crazy excited, sweaty, and nervous about the whole thing.
i may have written this song, and i may have made an epic music video with the clips from the movie that made me squeal like a child when i saw it, but i promise you im just a twi-hardy as you about the whole thing… i promise to not get hollywoody about it… i promise to be to grateful and dreamy about the whole process and keep you up to date…
thank you for your endless love + support.